Roan’s Haugesund Ironman 70.3 Race Report

Race Report from Roan:

So Iano asked me to send you my race report on 70.3 Haugesund Norway.

So while I fork this Avo & feta salad with the one hand I’ll tap away with the other – mmmm just love Avo & feta!

Sunday morning 8th July 05:00 my alarm goes off. I spring out of bed, run to the sliding door, stump my third toe on the leg of a reading table which spills over half a mug of tea I left, shout you a$$h@le, expecting a sympathetic apology then limp to open the curtains.

Weather shite! Damn Norway.

05:45 Breakfast with Gerard (my new found mate from SA who races pro’s).

He is quiet and pensive. My thoughts were ‘I am going to freeze on the bloody bike!’

I ask him if anyone has attempted the bike leg in the their wetsuit?? He looks at me in an odd way and replies – I think you’d be the first…

06:40 Transition. Can’t find anyone with a pump. Wonder if they all secretly pumped up their tyres before my arrival?? Start feeling others tyres. Contemplate changing my wheels with a set of deep section ZIPS I spot in matt black with brand new Continental tyres pumped precisely – no doubt – to 8 bar.

Who would know?

07:50 10 minutes to go. Water temp 16, I thank God it’s not 9. Must have thanked Him aloud – Norwegians in little Speedo’s in funny colours look at me oddly…

08:00 Go! Go! Go! Shouts Paul Kaye, the boytjie from Benoni and our announcer. It’s a European washing machine! A Meile or perhaps a Siemens – the drum spins faster but hopefully the wash cycle is shorter. My hopes are fulfilled – 400 meters and I start getting into a good rhythm. Yay! Norwegians can’t swim!

08:31 I get out of the water. Can’t believe my good fortune, 31 minute swim so celebrate! Paul plays Shoshaloza through the speakers & shouts ‘Roan daar gat jy meneer!’ I shout back ‘Vir seeker boetie!’

Norwegian spectators look at me oddly…

09:00 Thesun appears and I rejoice but almost ride into a daze of Norwegians. It alleviates the cold and deflects my disappointment at the dozens of them passing me. ‘These buggers can bloody ride!’

‘Blow yourselves up! I’ll blow you all on the run!’…

I never do – Bastards!

11:27 I run out of transition and meet up with Mary Beth Ellis from Dallas – the ladies winner – on her final loop. I had met her earlier in the week through Gerard.

I remark how wonderful she looks in a tri-suit too small for her. She doesn’t respond but her‘1st place’ cyclist riding on her opposite side does – and grimaces.

I then further remarked that it could use more white paneling in the bum area to help accentuate those muscles… She finally responds, she uses them to surge away from me. Her cyclist sticks her tongue out at me. How childish.

She beats her record time by 56 seconds and thanks me later at the after party.

Appreciated her appreciation of my help… It may be a bit dark in its endeavor, but it works!

To conclude – Happy it wasn’t cold, celebrated a PB & Norway in summer is cold.

My splits

  • Overall Time 05:15:21
  • 23rd in my age group
  • Swim 00:31:20
  • T1 00:01:53
  • Bike 02:51:27
  • T2 00:01:51
  • Run 01:48:49


Ro (the machine-man)


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